i bet you have no idea what the title is supposed to mean c;
well i am going to explain that right now
this might be a new account of mine, but i am not really new here. as much as i hate to say it, back then, i was a user here almost 3 years ago, who had formerly went by the name of Satanchu.
yep... :/ before you start assuming things about me let me just say a few things
to start it off let me give you an idea of what i was like
as Satanchu i was...very eager. but at the same time, laziness was a huge thing that plagued me. so i had a lot of ideas but i never bothered to make them a reality. and when i "tried" to do that, as a result of my laziness and lack of will to fix simple issues, the work i produced always turned out as buggy, messy, horrifyingly flawed, and overall useless garbage. my laziness also caused me to pay absolutely no attention to important elements of people's posts. such as the dates, i having replied to nearly year-old posts before.
as for my interactions with others, i had many bad habits. first of all, i assumed things about people before i even got to know them. i put up a "bad user" list, although it wasn't exactly called that, and it contained a lot of people that i haven't even spoke to. i based my opinions entirely on just the TINIEST first impressions
but those things are just the beginning of the flaws i had. one of the most notable things about my former personality is that i had a bloated ego. i thought my creations ideas and posts were just the bee's knees. i saw absolutely no problems with anything i do. and this is not helped by the fact that i got offended over the tiniest things imaginable. whether it's someone disagreeing with me, constructive criticism, or a silly harmless joke, any of that would just set off my fuse. and this also is not helped by how i took these things. if anyone were to offend me the slightest bit, i would go out of my way to make them look bad. i had absolutely no consideration for the needs of anyone else, i didn't think to see through the eyes of others, all the time i only thought the world revolved around me
so that's more or less who "Satanchu" was
my debut in the M.U.G.E.N wiki in 2013 is the whole reason i was so afraid to come back. because at this point i'm almost a polar opposite of who i used to be. and by this i mean...
- "laziness was a huge thing that plagued me." not anymore, as i now put huge effort into my current W.I.P projects even if it might be time consuming.
- "i based my opinions entirely on just the TINIEST first impressions" even though i might be a bit awkward when talking to people, i try and get to know them before i decide what i truly think about them.
- "one of the most notable things about my former personality is that i had a bloated ego." i actually despise myself now. a lot.
- "i thought my creations ideas and posts were just the bee's knees." this kinda ties in with the previous listing, but i just need to say, i'm a cowardly untalented shitwad. just a scientific fact
- "whether it's someone disagreeing with me, constructive criticism, or a silly harmless joke, any of that would just set off my fuse." i've grown to be very open to criticism. when i receive feedback on my work (or about me as a person), someone giving me their thoughts on what could be improved, i keep it in mind. later then i work to resolve the issues, and do whatever it takes to fix things up. i'm also accepting of others' opinions (and love hearing about them), and i do enjoy a funny joke every now and then.
- "if anyone were to offend me the slightest bit, i would go out of my way to make them look bad." if someone does manage to offend me as i am now, of course i wouldn't shake it off right away depending on the severity. i take it rationally, do what i feel is truly necessary, but some time later after that it would affect me and i can't help but believe that i truly deserve to have been insulted in whatever way.
- "i had absolutely no consideration for the needs of anyone else, i didn't think to see through the eyes of others, all the time i only thought the world revolved around me" now that has definitely changed. friendship is a very valuable thing to me, and i really know how to cheer someone up when they need it. ^.^
if you actually read through all that, i'd be very surprised. and very grateful. but here's the point i really need to clear up right now.
everything Satanchu had ever said before is a LIE.
a good example is how i came back later as Florence100 the whatshit and Charlotte the Jigglypuff, saying that i've "improved". what a shameful load of bollocks that was. if anything, i got worse from that point. the part i mentioned about me trying to make people look bad, that piece only came in when i went by those 2 "new" names. so i was exactly the same as i was as Satanchu, only with that added onto the problems i already have. this is another bad habit i've had; saying i've improved when i actually haven't; changing my name to hide my shame. well i'm not hiding it anymore. none of this deserves to be masked any longer
and one of the biggest lies of every lie i had EVER told that year... was my gender. as Satanchu, i pretty much WANTED to be a guy back then. and i thought i was being oh so funny and cool by making fun of the sexuality of females (such as myself) at some points. yeah you can tell someone or something's been a terrible influence on me. i was 13 years old, but i had the maturity of someone at age 7. as years passed by, i went down a slow path of still wanting to fake my actual gender, but i finally stopped being a fraud and decided to be myself (as in, a total girly girl ^-^). yes i did say i was transgender in 2014 or so. but that too is false, and it was nothing but a continuation of the lie that i was ever a male in the first place
hopefully all of this should make it less confusing as to why i'm the little mystery i am right now. i bet you're thinking after this, "if you always lied about improving yourself back then, then how do i know you've improved now?". well...i don't exactly consider myself..."improved". i mean i'm a lot different from my 2013-2014 debut that's for sure, but i do still have plenty of new flaws.
so i wouldn't say i'm an "improved" version of my old self, but instead, a completely different person with new problems. but despite how much i differ from then, i still acknowledge that that was all my doing, and nothing can truly change that. even if i do continue being haunted by my past sins and will not ever forgive myself for it, i'm going to act in the present to direct myself to a brighter future. i'm going to try and put my newfound knowledge into use.